So, what would I do if I ruled the world? (Well, USA, really.)

First, I'd make sure there was 0% prejudice in the world. All hate groups would be sniffed out and systematically murdered on public television. Then, the owners of the news corporations would be fired and replaced by people of my choosing, who would hire people to report everything without slant, even bad things about me. Like that time I stepped on my dog's tail, or my addiction to oranges.

Then, I'd make some drug laws. Anyone caught would, instead of being sentenced to jail, be forced into a rehab center until they recovered. Everyone who was in jail for drug abuse/possession would be pardoned if they went to a rehab center as well. Cigarettes/cigars would be made illegal, but marajuana would be very legal and cheap. In fact, I'd pay people to grow it. Soon everyone would be too stoned to do anything and our crimerate would go negative.

Prostitution would be made legal, with restrictions, of course. The woman must be certified, that is, so STDs don't get transmitted. Twice a month, the woman (or man, you never know), must check into a health clinic and be tested for STDs. If she passes, she gets to keep her liscence. If not, depending on the disease, it gets revoked. Curable diseases would have some restriction times. Incurable diseases would cause him/her to lose his/her liscence to hook permanently. All diseases would get free treatment at the clinics.

Which brings me to my next thing: free/very cheap medical care. Can you put a price on life? The doctors think $1000 per minute spent in a hospital is the average rate on human lives. Not any more. Drug companys would not be allowed to sell pills that cure diseases for ridiculess prices when the pills are also used for something different and much cheaper. All medicinal equipment would be much cheaper as well.

Gay/lesbian marriages would be made legal in every state. Everybody's entitled to their sexual preference. I don't care if people are gay, and if you do, go kill your self right now, you intolerant bastard. Really. Go on, put the barrel in your mouth, squeeze the trigger with your toe. Good boy. Now clean that mess up... anyway...

The environment would be a top priority. All oil companys would be forced to shut down and produce alternative renewable clean energy sources. Fossil fuel cars would be banned, and electric cars would be provided for a fraction of their current cost. All lumber companys would be forced to stop cutting down trees, unless they could replace every tree with a sapling, and I'd pay scientists money to come up with some way of using aluminum instead of wood. Or possibly synthetic wood. We would enforce the cessation of lumbering the rainforests.

All who don't like my way of doing things will be shipped to Iraq, where they will feel right at home in a pretend repubic. I wouldn't even kill anybody who I didn't like, just boot them out of the country.

Ok, thats all I can think of at the moment. Most things on there are really what I'd do if I could. Oooh! I almost forgot, Lefty posted my shields here. He's also made a B-Movie Simulation Board game at Club Sandwich Games. Go check it out! Last, and certainly not least, I'm about to go work on a Contra comic. If any view/readers have any ideas on a title, send them to me via e-mail. I'll give you credit, and a sneak preview of each episode if I choose your title. Woo!
posted by Slade at 12:18 PM

Ok, to clarify, the last sentence of the last update meant people in both pottery and drawing. Anywho, we had a snow day on Wednsday, and I got my Ocarina of Time pre-order. I'm blasting through the game so I can truly enjoy the Master Quest. I submitted a guest update to Yahtzee's site, but due to those wacky time differences, it was already Friday over there. So who knows when it'll be up there. I'm going to do somewhere between one and three contra comics over vacation, depending on how much my dad hoardes the computer. Oh yeah, I have all next week off from school! Woo! However, there are classes comming in this period so I'm going to be booted of the computers, but I have another study hall later, so I may get an update in then.
posted by Slade at 8:45 AM

Drawing class has to be the coolest class in the world. Even if you have no talent, you can still do well in the class. What makes it so cool? We don't have to do anything. Yes, one can spend the whole period doing homework from another class, and our teacher doesn't care. She knows, but doesn't say anything. And she's really nice. There's nothing like easing into the day with forty minutes of relaxed working. It's great.

I'm currently in the process of enlarging something I did in my sketchbook when I was bored, and had no ideas. I doodled, except not in the conventional "small comic about a rabid slice of cheese hastily scribbled in the corner of my notes on solubility" sort of way. I drew lines. Big lines, small lines, curved, straight, spirling, wavy lines. In blowing it up, it is going from pencil to pastel (colored charcoal, really) and colored pencil. And there is going to be variation in thickness.

Of course, I'm taking my time with it. And by that, meaning doing about three lines a day. If anyone asks, I'm trying to get it perfect, which is true, but for the most part I just want to look like I'm doing something productive when I'm not. And the class can get away with stuff like this. It's a great class.

However, all is not well in the art room, for there are two factions. The drawing people, and the pottery people. On a good day, when passed in the hall, members of the two factions will glare at each other, mocking the other's form of art. On a bad day, gang wars will erupt over the smallest criticism. These are often bloody, as the drawing students wield pencils and paintbrushes, and the pottery students dry shards of clay.

Ok, so I'm being slightly dramatic, but we really do hate the pottery students. Any mention of them is preceeded by the adjective "stupid." But why do we hate them? What makes us want to impale them on stakes and let their carcuses rot in the sun?

They are messy mo-fos! Many an entrepid artist has set his paper down onto the various tables in the room, only to find it covered in an unremovable brown dust. Chunks of clay litter the sinks, leaving little room for anyone who doesn't wear a smock 24/7. Even the edges of the sinks are covered, meaning one has to bend over and lean to reach the faucet if one doesn't want clay on ones shirt. Bowls are covered in dry clay, irrepairable.

What possesses these slobs to be such...slobs? The drawing students don't leave charcoal lying around, paint on the tables, graphite in the sink. We don't know. And we may never, either.

Oh, in case you're wondering, people in drawing and pottery are exempt from the bitter cycle of hate because they aren't messy.
posted by Slade at 9:17 AM

Woo! I actually did it! It took three hours, but I made a sprite comic. While not the wittiest, it at least deserves a chuckle. And a rub-your-hands-together-in-anticipation-of-another-one. Except, here's the thing. It took me three fricken hours to do that. While it might have been 15 minutes less, had I a mouse that wasn't broken by my dad (the left clicker doesn't work!), that's still quite a long time. I don't know if I can deal with that big chunk spent doing something productive instead of playing WarCraft 2. But I'll try, though it will mean one comic a week, if I can manage.

I also made some knights' shields that will be randomly generated when the knights are. I'm not putting them up, but I'm sending them to Lefty, the fine owner of a finer web site then mine: Polymorph (on the left!). When he puts them up, I'll tell you, and then you can go see for yourself. Soon, there shall be knights with the heraldry of the kidney, the hockey mask, and the musical notes.

Ok, the Web Comic: I don't have a name for it, but here it is: My Contra Sprite Comic. I have yet to think of a name, but I will, hopefully. And now for the legal mumbo jumbo:

All orginal images are copyrighted (C) by Konami. Contra is a trademark TM of Konami too, probably. The comic itself is copyrighted (C) 2003 by me: Dale P. Seth, AKA Slade.

Have fun, people.
posted by Slade at 9:53 PM

I didn't get to update because I went to my friend Marty's house and spent the night. My webmaster and I couldn't play StarCraft because his parents were being assholes. I got WarCraft 2 battle.net Edition, and my Ocarina of Time for GameCube has been shipped, I'm waiting for it to come so I can play some Zelda goodness. I'm going to borrow Dante's Divine Comedy from the library if the single substitute librarian can ever get done serving the ten people that are lined up right now.

I made another Bard's Tale, go check it out at Polymorph.

And I have another project I'm going to attempt tonight: A Sprite Comic. But of what? You ask? Will it suck? I'm not telling, and probably, respectively. There's the bell, I'm off to chemistry class.
posted by Slade at 12:43 PM