So we got a brand new house a few years ago. We had been living in a trailer until then. A crappy, cold, trailer, but it had a woodstove. That was nice, because you could throw your clothes on there for a minute and then put them on and be toasty warm. But I digress. When our house was done, it was left unfinished. The upstairs was barren. My sister got half for her room, I got half of mine, and the very middle was reserved for a second bathroom. Just a few weeks ago it was officially finished, and is pretty kickass. We have this awesome sink and handles. They turn so smoothly in either direction, and have seperate handles for the hot and cold water, unlike the downstairs. The handles in our walk in shower match, and are just as neat. We also have a low flush toilet. While it's a little small, it has a powerful flush, which is hard to find on a low flush. We have a Bathroom Reader (which I love, because it contains six hundred pages of usless information. Did you know that there are two cities in England that hate each other, because they both claim the Mary from Mary Had a Little Lamb originated there?) a few extra rolls of TP, and - get this - bamboo hard wood flooring. We got it for free because my dad is good friends with a floor guy. It's also always warm and toasty in there because the heater guy ran the heater all the way across the room instead of stopping. And then...

then suddenly our perfect bathroom was shattered by an addition. Something so phenomenally horrible I close my eyes every time I go into the bathroom. After a quick peek to make sure I'm not going to pee on the seat, of course. But hey Slade, you crazy cynical leftist bastard, what can be so awful, so un-Godly terrible to make you afraid to go into your own bathroom? Well I'll tell you. A mirror. Now, I'm not going to go into how creepy I think I look, because it's not the issue. It's the placement of the mirror. See, it's positioned...right...above...the toliet. Now, I dunno about you, but I find the human wang to be one of the uglier evolutionary traits mankind has. It doesn't look so bad when you're looking down, going to pee. Maybe because I'm used to the perspective. But when you look at it in a mirror while doing said urination, it takes on a completely new ugliness. I'm talking a multiplyer of a thousand here. It's the grossest thing you can imagine. Well, ok, Rosanne Arnold nekkid is the grossest thing you can imagine, but this is pretty up there. I mean, if/when I ever get a girlfriend, and she can stand to look at my naked, I think I'd have to marry her, because it's gotta take some guts to not yell "Oh God! Put your friggin' pants on!" That would tell me if she was really commited to the relationship. Were I to streak, I'd be shot in public. I could probably even scare away blind old women, without even telling them anything. It's so ugly, Rodney Dangerfield wouldn't even be able to think of a joke about it. And that is why, for the safety of the world, I wear jeans!

Sorry, I just couldn't think how I was gonna end that. Ah well...
posted by Slade at 11:41 PM

Hello again. Check out Bard's Tales at Polymorph. Check out the rest of it when you're done. Why do I mention it? I just did another Tale.
posted by Slade at 12:03 AM

Well. In case you're wondering, the reason the hick that runs the USA wants to go to war is oil. See, nine months ago, Iraq cut off selling oil to us. Why? I don't know. The terrorism/evildoers/what ever else Bush's speech writer can put in there without him stumbling over the big words is a load of bull shit. Mr. Oil baron doesn't think his billions of dollars is enough, and neither do the ones in OPEC, so we need higher prices fossil fuel. Sure, we could change over to non-polluting alternative natural renewable energy sources, but then the rich conservatives wouldn't have their money. So what if the planet gets hotter in a few years? They'll be dead, they don't care. So what if the people get stepped on, it's ok, because it's not the rich man. He's only gotta keep his six figure income by what ever means possible to be happy.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a speech made by a senator in front of the Senate. I wish he'd mentioned more about how Bush couldn't negotiate his way out of a wet paper bag because he'd be too busy trying to make the air believe the bag did something, and then give up and try to bite the bag. But it's still a good speech. Click here to read it. Actually it's a very good speech.

And now that I'm good and pissed off, go read the latest Contra Comic. Go, before I flip out again.
posted by Slade at 11:22 PM

Ok, there's no update because I spent most of the day working on my story. I spent the other part drawing some thingies in Paint Shop Pro, even though it looks like I did it in Paint. I'll try to get my next update in tomorrow, and maybe do another Contra Comic before my week-long break from school is over.
posted by Slade at 12:19 AM

Well, Yahtzee posted my crappy guest update today because he didn't want to write anything. Those of you that read his site have already been apologized to by him, so I won't bother. On another note, check out Heccubus' Domain if you haven't already. His comics look really cool for being done completely in MS Paint! Really. Thats assuming you don't mistake the plethora of crappy pop-up advertisements!!! that are strewn about as the comics. To help you in your confusion, his comics do not star slot-machines or giant staticy-TVs. Go now. There's nothing else new here for you. Go on, shoo! Don't make me get the broom. I'll do it, really. Ok, that's it...

Oh, speaking of Hecc, you have to get on AIM sometime. I want to actually talk to you.
posted by Slade at 11:24 PM

Ok, Contra Comic Number Two:Enter Blue Pants is done here. I also re-did Comic Number One:The Intro in gif format so you don't have to go buy a cheeseburger at a fast food restaurant and then come back while waiting for the image to load. Click here, here, or here to check it out in case you missed it.
posted by Slade at 10:32 PM

I didn't get to finish my web comic because I went to my friend's house, where I had a jolly old time. A jolly enough time to write an update about even. And yes, I'm stalling on the comic so I can get another update. I'm going to finish it tonight/tomorrow morning, depending on how long this takes to write. I only have a panel and a half to do, so it shouldn't take me more than a half hour. Anywho, onward, and upward! Excelsior! Tally ho and other expressions that mean to go forth!

So I went to spend the night at my good friend Jacob's yesterday, and it was great fun. We spent the day and most of the night switching between his computer and his PS2. There's nothing like playing WarCraft 3 followed by killing everyone you see in GTA:Vice City. Except more WC3 and VC. And more and more and more.

Now, Jacob is an EQ junkie, but his addiction has lessened somewhat, as he is now a level 65 warrior with the best weapon in the game. Once you have gotten everything, there isn't much to do. I was quite proud of him. The last time I went to his house, he played it for five hours before I smacked him in the head to get him off, so I could do stuff. He showed me his level 99 guys on FFVII, and I oohed and aaahed, being the RPG lover I am, even if the games have been the same since 6, or even 4. I liked Pok�mon when it first came out, ok? It's an RPG, not just a very awful show, and a decent one at that.

So, of course, other people live in Jacob's house with him. First is his brother. He and his dad had gone to the store soon after I got there, leaving us alone for a few hours. His brother bought a computer game, Soldier of Fortune 2, and when we got off the computer, he installed it and played it. Sure, there's nothing wrong, except when he gets into games he constantly makes little noises. Now, I've been known to talk to myself when playing, but its really thinking out loud, and it's at least coherent. He wasn't even forming words.

Jacob's dad has a good side and a bad side. The good side is that we hardly see him, and he makes a mean bowl of chili. The bad side is that, well, he likes really hickish music. This isn't country, its like if country were death metal, and this country was country. So country seems like metal compared to this. Sure it was awful to listen to, but it was quite funny. While he was out in the kitchen blasting his music, we all jumped around in the living room pretending to square dance and going "A hyuk!" every now and then. Discreetly, so his dad didn't come out and beat us, of course. It was really funny, you had to be there. Good times...

Another thing is that there was no food in the house to munch on or even really eat. I settled for about six sodas and seven or eight ice-cream bars, and that was it, the whole time I was there. Except for chili for dinner and a bowl of Rice Krispies for breakfast, all I ate were ice cream bars, and drank crappy generic brand cola. Not that I minded, except I got pretty hungry. Also, we stayed up 'till about three in the morning, gaming our asses off, and for once, I didn't get a massive headache. I usually get headaches from eye strain (i think) when I stay up gaming for too long.

Also, I watched a really great, funny movie: Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood. That's the full title, and stars the Wayan brothers as Lok-Dog and Ashtray. It is really really really really funny. Seriously. I reccomend anyone who reads this site to watch it if you haven't, but be warned: There's a lot of profanity, as it stars African Americans, and is a "Hood" movie. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing about Afro-Americans, and I'm not saying that they all swear like sailors constantly. Its just sterotypical for people to assume that people in the 'Hood swear a lot, so they do it. I think. I'm just warning you. If you're a person who doesn't care if someone swears, like me, then you can get past that and enjoy the comedy. When I get my own pad in a few years, that movie is a definate must for me.

Hmm, I can't think of anything else at the moment, which means I'm probably out of material, and a bit short, I'll wager too. But I'll make up for it with a Contra comic tomorrow.
posted by Slade at 12:32 AM