Just... spent... ten... hours... give or take a half an hour playing Wind Waker non-stop. I don't want to do a Contra Comic, but I gotta get going on one (I just don't have the ambition at the moment,) I don't know how long I can stay away from my TV though. Or if I can just get going on it, maybe I'll get some ambition going.
posted by Slade at 11:07 PM

Well, it's time to bring out the big guns. Yes, I realized that I might get better results if I searched for "cannibalism." First up is Yahoo. Ok, the closest match is entitled this: "Is Cannibalism a Religious Experience?" Uh oh, I don't like the looks of this. The first sentence begins "As repulsive as the notion [of cannibalism] may seem." Damn, it's going to be biased. How will I know if I can trust anything this essay can say, let alone whether it tells the truth about what I'd taste like were I to be roasted over a fire until brown in the middle? It goes on to say that the Eucharist, the Christian tradition where they eat the bread and wine, has its roots in cannibalism. Apperently, Jesus supposedly said (in Jn. 6:55, whichever book of the Bible that may be) "He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him." And he meant it literally. Jesus legs, anyone? Seriously. The essay goes on to say that in the Old Testament, God punished the Hebrews because they didn't worship him with joy (but really, does anyone worship a manical dictator loveingly, even if he happened to be the supposed creator of the universe?), by allowing them to be trapped in a city without food, and forced to feed off each other. It goes on to say how hypocritical God was in the old testament, and yadda yadda, blah, blah, I don't care at the moment. I already knew that, and this is about finding out what I'd taste like deep fried, not bashing religion. I do, however, enjoy the very cynical tone this web site takes on. I'm going to check it out sometime, and see if it's worth linking to.

Anywho, it's on to another search engine I've never used. WebCrawler. Hmm, lets see... "How to Prevent Cannibalism in Chickens." Apparently, chickens, turkeys, pheasants, and quail will all resort to pecking each other to death due to overcrowding, lack of food, incorrect lighting (too little or much), large age differences, stress, off-colored chicks, high temperatures, or mean-ness. It seems fowl are capable of foul play. Wow, that was bad. I apologize for that horrible wordplay. In retribution, I'll go beat my head into my computer table. Please forgive me. Geeze! Can you imagine what it would be like were people affected that much by those things? Whities already have oppressed the Blacks. People riding the subways would go into berserker rages and kill eachother. Everyone would become deathly afraid of the homeless. And buses? Hell, the people on busses would start eating the seats. People in the tropics would end up barbequeing each other, just because it was hot outside. Yikes. But that still doesn't tell me what we taste like.

Next up, Yahoo. It sent me to a site that said the ancient people of Easter Island (you know, with the Big Head Statues?) were cannibals. "Fingers and toes were the choice morsels." It seems that since all of those people were living on an island, there was a shortage of meat, so the people resorted to eating each other. And then they decided to keep going afterwards because they enjoyed the taste of human flesh. But they would never eat family members. Since I happen to be human (however much I try to fight it most of the time), and have had fourteen of my sixteen years as one to watch humanity, I can't say I'm surprised. I am, however, irked that when the priest that found out this information, he didn't ask about what these morsels taste like. Maybe they wouldn't tell him.

While I'm no closer to finding out what we taste like, I'm acquiring a vast library of usless knowledge on cannibalism. More info on my quest as I find it.

I'll try to do a Contra Comic between hours of Wind Waker, and my L&E article is going to turn in to somewhere between 3 and 5 articles. Woo!
posted by Slade at 11:24 PM

It is now my official mission in life to discover what people taste like. Yes, that's right, I went down to the DMV and registered my goal with their fate department. Sure, the old lady working the desk was really grouchy and had a huge mole on the right side of her face, and I almost got shot by some guy with his hands in the back of his pants on the way out, and I had to ride the bus home, but now I can start snooping, without any fear of penalty by law.

First, I checked out Ask Jeeves. While this wily butler may know the meaning of life, how to scuba gear while playing Parchesi, and can beat even Steven Hawking at Scrabble, he just doesn't know how people taste. I asked him "What do people taste like?" and got back a bunch of irrellevant results.

Next up, I decided to try Yahoo. I typed in "taste of people", but it kept thinking that I was looking for a choice in the personality of them, so I altered my search. It now said "flavor of people." Sadly, that phrase is used metephoricaly to mean different types of people. I don't care about the flavor of people in New Orleans. I know people aren't going to taste differently depending on where they live, so thats no help.

Now, on to Alta Vista! I went straight to "flavor of people" this time. And I got something about online poker tables and an advertisement for a hotel. Yeah, thanks alot. I knew there was a reason I never used this search engine.

Ok, hmm... my resources are getting low. Let's try this wierd "dogpile" thing. I'd never used it before, but had heard of it, and seen someone use it. All poop jokes aside, this site is crap. All it does is mooch off of the other search engines. What happened to the internet of yesteryear? I could just type in something, and find what I was looking for in thirty minutes or less. Now, I have to crawl over 23 thousand pages of ads, crap, and porn, and I still don't find out what I wanted to. And all of that porn crap? When people are looking for porn, they don't type in "happy fun land" or "cute rabbits" or "nuclear holocaust". You don't need to try to mooch more viewers by sticking dummy META names in the header.

Ok, time for google. Ok, a trip to Seoul, a restaurant, and something about voting. What does a guy have to do around here to get some answers? Well, I guess I'm left with one option. I'm going to jaunt down to the mall and stroll around, looking for people. I'll stalk them, but so they don't realize it. When I find someone who has absolutely ties to any family members or organizations, I'll sneak up behind him or her in a dark alley, slit his/her throat, cut off an arm to eat, and hide the body in a place where no one will ever look. Of course, I'd have to have a good alibi, in case I don't do a good enough job removing any hair/nails/clothing tatters/shoe prints/incriminating evidence against me. Damn it, that's alot of work. I wish I could just kill a hobo and eat him, but you know they'd taste funny.
posted by Slade at 9:15 AM

Well, I've decided to procrastinate on my essay and turn it in a single school day late, but three days in reality. Yes, I'm going to do it over the weekend. I don't know how yet, as my creative juices were broken today, so I still have to finish my Contra Comic, and Wind Waker will be in tomorrow. Funny how my friend, who lives a half a mile from our postoffice can get his mail at home, but mine doesn't come to the PO BOX, even though all of the copies are shipped at the same time. Good ole' reliable US mail. Guaranteed to be three days late, rain or shine, whether you're shipping a package across the country or next door. I'm tired. I have to go to bed now, so I can get to sleep earlier, wake up quicker, and blast through school so I can play Wind Waker. Oh, I gave my update to ChefElf to "critique." That is, skim through and give it the OK. Fun from me at L&E soon! See you later.
posted by Slade at 10:09 PM

Well, I'm really busy right now, so I can't work on my comic. I have to write an art essay tonight and tomorrow, but hopefully it will be done before my online time tomorrow. I'll get the comic out on Friday/Saturday, and try to have another up on Tuesday. I'm off to describe, analize, and interperate one of Van Gogh's self portraits, from the pre-cut off his ear era.
posted by Slade at 9:09 PM

I've got some more song ideas, but I'm going to refrain from that until I start and finish my next Contra Comic.

Meanwhile, I've been thinking. Yes, I know, it's very dangerous, and I shouldn't be doing it, but I can't help it sometimes. So, what's going on in my disturbing mind?

First of all, I've been thinking, what do people taste like? Really. I'm not going to go kill someone, or lop off an arm while keeping my victim high on morphine, cook it (the arm, not the morphine) in the microwave and take a big bite. But my curiosity has been irked, and this thought will occasionally bug me until my hunger for this bit of knowledge is satiated. What do we taste like? Are we dry like turkey, juicy like beef? Bland like pork chops? Are we some weird combination of all three? Do we taste like venison? Do people have their own unique, distinct flavor? Something that once tasted will become a long lasting addiction that drives us to cannibalism? And speaking of cannibalism, it's shunned over here in the US. I don't know about the other "civilized" countries of the world, but I can guess cannibals are met with lynching ropes as well. So I can't just stroll down to the local corner store and ask Joe Cannibal what we taste like.

An expert connoisseur (my former and possibly soon to be again webmaster) was asked and says this: "I think the breast meat would taste a bit like chicken, the arms like beef, but we wouldn't taste like venison, because their muscles are more active than ours. Maybe runners muscles would though." But why would the meat taste like this? He answers "Our proteins should makes us taste like pork. Our chest muscles are never used and that would account for the chicken-y taste." So there you have it. I'm going to have to go on his opinion until it is proven otherwise.

Another thing is this: What would happen if I put one hundred monkeys in a large locked room with screen windows and lots of bananas, and each got a high quality word processor. Well, I think the monkeys would use their communication skills and break down the screen door, escape, and hunt me down and kill me for locking them in, and then go on to rule the world with an iron fist, making the guy who wrote Planet of the Apes happy until he was killed or captured by the new dominant species of the planet. Or, if I'm overestimating them, they'll just fling poo and scream at one another until the guy I paid to sit behind a glass door types out a copy of Hamlet for me.

So that's done. I was also wondering, will an army of chefs led by noted war general and master of the culinary arts General Tso take over the world? Will we all be forced to eat his chicken? Or will an army of soldiers fight back? And then will they be defeated by the egg beaters, spatulas, and rocket launchers the chefs use? And who's side will Nate join? I'd have to fight the chefs, because my country may not allow freedom of speech, but the hell if I'm not going to be able to eat what I want!
posted by Slade at 9:16 AM

Well, I fixed my song, and I like how it's come out, except it kind of scares me. It turned out being way more offensive and cynical than I wanted it to, so there's only one person I can think of to show it to without him freaking out, and I'm on the fence with showing him, because my lyrics may just suck. When I get an idea, I might get a less alienating song and post it here. I mean, I didn't think it was going to be that mean. Apparently I have some pent up anger or something. I dunno. I don't even think I can show Heccubus, and he's written a song called "I can't believe it's not ass." But this is for my content, not vulgarity. I think it's pretty cool.

Speaking of Heccubus, he's got a blog now, and while it isn't as super cool as mine, it's worth checking out if you like reading blogs. And you must, if you're reading mine. Even though I try to spruce up my content a bit, do some other stuff, turn it sorta web-sitey. And soon, my update at L&E will be up! I say soon as in sometime before January of next year. They try to keep guest articles for when they're out of content. That's all for now. Adieu.

Where's the friggin' Wind Waker?!?! I'm suffering from withdrawl before I've gotten to play the game! Can you imagine what I'll be like when I get it? (HINT HINT...) Phaw, I'm sick of rambling incoherently. Maybe I'll start a Contra Comic tomorrow.

Currently listening to:
"Hurt", by Nine Inch Nails.
"Lithium" and "Rape Me" by Nirvana.
"Brain Stew" by Greenday.
"Gnomesong!" by Nate and Paulmeats.
"Too High for the Super Market" by The Uninvited.
Beethoven's Sonata #14 in C Sharp Minor, all movements. (It's true!)
"Wrong Way" by Sublime.
posted by Slade at 9:30 PM

Well, I've decided that were a Windows machine actually try to run a Linux program, it would crash with such magnitude that it would tear a hole in reality itself, slowly sucking in all reality. Eventually, the property that surrounded the former machine would become so warped that reality would actually skew around it. So don't try to emulate Linux people. It could have dire consequences on the space time continuum.

Also, I've started to write a punk-ish song, but I'm not going to post it here, as I would end up alienating 1/4 of my audience. Of four. You do the math. Maybe if I make it a bit less offensive towards what I'm writing about, I'd post it, but its punk, only crappy bands like Blink 182 tone down their songs. Yes indeed, I'm bored again...
posted by Slade at 9:58 PM

Well, my L&E thing is completely done, I just have to wait for N8 or Paul to get something related to it for me. I'm being vague because I don't want to give what I'm doing away. Nothing else happening, really, at the moment. Just waiting for The Wind Waker.
posted by Slade at 9:32 PM

You know what's great? Messing with surveys. There is no greater feeling than knowing you have helped skew the poll results completely and irreparably. It's like when you get to eat cookie dough when your mom bakes cookies, without even the very remote chance of salmonella. Really, who's ever truly gotten salmonella poisoning from raw eggs? I think it's an old wives' tale used to keep the young ones out of the cookie batter. But I digress.

Today we had to take a survey that tells the politicians what angle to go for in the next election. Questions like "Have you ever used tobacco products?" and "How many times have you been or gotten someone pregnant?" Well, knowing I could milk an update out of that, I began to put down ridicules and untrue answers.

Sex: Male
Race: Asian
Height: 7'0"
Weight: 100 lbs.

Let's see, how old are you? 17. Are you concerned that your parents don't love you? Very concerned. Are you concerned that you are alone? Very concerned. And you afraid you might be gay/lesbian? Not at all.

And then I really started getting into it. I began thinking "What would this stick figure Chinese guy do?" Hmm, according to his results, he's a manic-depressive who's been hospitalized on suicide attempts frequently, and has been smoking cigarettes and drinking since he was eight. His parents give him booze, he grows his own marijuana, and steals cigarettes. And I thought "But he's gotta be careful." So he doesn't do any of the other drugs except meth, and then only once. No cocaine, heroin, or any of that other crap. Because, ya know, he doesn't want to die. And he's a depressive, but he's not quite ready to kill himself. Because if he really wanted to, he would have by now. He just slit his wrists, he's practicing. He has jack for help in his community, no rehab, counseling, etc., and he's a virgin. He was a star on the basketball team until he got kicked out for his drug abuse. But he makes sure never to do anything on school grounds. His parents don't really care about him, obviously. He's not on medication to treat his depression despite his parents making enough to not require reduced lunch prices. They are two Oriental pricks.

About now a picture of this guy stated running through my head: He's obviously very tall and lanky. He has long, black, shaggy hair and a poorly kept beard, has high cheekbones, and a small nose. He reminds me of a hobo, really. He wears a Nirvana shirt and ragged torn blue jeans. Ok, now I'm really connecting to this guy, so I go back and add thirty pounds to him, so he doesn't appear anorexic. In fact, one of the questions was "Have you ever tried to lose weight by bingeing or not eating?" He put he hasn't tried to lose or gain weight at all, so he's not really going to weigh only 100 pounds. He's also quit smoking once but started up again. I guess his crappy life got to him. That's another thing. There is nothing to do in community except get shot up in the gang wars that occur. And when he isn't cultivating his pot plants, he's playing video games or talking to his friends. In between his bouts of depression, which he keeps carefully hidden away inside. He hates school with a passion, and feels his education is sub par, although he does try when he's not feeling down.

He is, however, getting better. He's only had 5-10 drinks in the last month, 5 of them at once, and he's really cut down on the smoking. Tobacco and marijuana. And then suddenly the survey is over. I'm me again, and it's on to study hall. Well, I'm rooting for that poor tortured soul. I hope someone finds out about his problems before he jumps off a bridge or hangs himself.
posted by Slade at 9:16 AM

Well, I finished Contra Comic 8. Go read it and enjoy. I'm also going to start up a big update project I've forgotten about since Thanksgiving, and am waiting for Paul from L&E to get me my password so I can do my update. Hopefully, my creative juices can get themselves started again, and I can get some decent stuff out. Or maybe not.

I know the comic isn't quite top notch, but don't fret, because I've got a great idea for the next one. Don't worry.
posted by Slade at 10:25 PM