So, like... Blog

Hurrah! I spent my whole weekend in a car! With a dog that drools only when he's riding in the car! And he also has to step on my at every opportuinity! This following entry-type-thing shall document my road trip with meticuless painstaking scrupling accuracy! (This does not apply to proper higher vocabulary use.) It would be called (assuming that I had figured out how to title my updates) Road Trip, part 2, or On the Road Again. And Again.

So, if you'll recall, I had to spend my whole weekend in the car because my family and I had to drive to West Virginia to pick up my dad, who spent a week down there helping his mom after her husband died. So we got up at the crack of dawn, stumbled into the car with a meager supply of clothes, and left. My sister was too distracted by her crappy pop/rap music to bother me, and I spent the first quarter of our trip trying to read and keep my dog from trying to sit on my chest. While I was sitting up. And then we stopped at a Wendy's. I've been slowly turning over a new leaf, and trying new things instead of adamantly refusing any new or wierd looking foodstuff, and I feel like a fool for changing my ways.

My sister likes to eat Wendy's bacon cheeseburgers, and I asked her how they were. She said they were really good, and I believed her. That was my mistake. My sister seems to have a subconscious duty to be the exact opposite of me. If I said the sky was blue, she'd say it was orange if she knew how to counter colors with their compliment. But to the best of my knowledge, she doesn't. She has a habit of despising everything I like, but I thought that you couldn't really mess up a bacon cheese burger. Well, I was wrong, and now realize why people say that fast food sucks. Because it does. I wish I could have learned this important life lesson before I put flavor's equivilent of eating a bag filled with rusty, yet sharp razor blades into my unsuspecting mouth. This is about the worst thing I've ever eaten. It makes eating cow patties actually appetizing. I could make better food than this, and I frequently do. I think I could make better tasting burnt scrambled eggs with too much salt in them than this horrible burger-like thing. However, the chicken nuggets are exquisite.

So we got to West Virginia, visited our relatives, and spent the night. The next morning (yesterday), we left at around 9 AM. We ate at the halfway mark between our house and my grandmother's: Meadville, PA. I live in central New York, and we head west to Buffalo, and then south all the way to West Virginia. So it's halfway time-wise. We initially were going to stop at a Pizza Hut and eat... pizza. As if it wasn't obvious. But then my parents spotted a Chinese buffet next door. I'd never eaten at a Chinese buffet, and now I can't figure out how I lived without them. I mean, there are five different kinds of chicken. General Tso's (Which my mom said was supposed to be spicy but was only sort of icky sweet.), chicken meat balls, chicken and pork rolls, chicken and brocolli, and the best, sweet and sour chicken, minus the sweet and sour.

Of course, I love fortune cookies, so I got roughly seven of those. My sister taught me a funny little trick about them. Simply add "in the bathroom" to the end of the fortune. Pretty soon you won't be able to help yourself, and it will be impossible to not think of this phrase every time you eat your fortune cookie. Here are some actual cookie sheets that I stuffed in my pocket:

Flattery will go far tonight.

Your biggest virtue is your modesty.

You will be sought out for your diplomatic skills.

Ignorance never settles a question.

You simplify your life in many ways and find rewards.

Relax and enjoy yourself.

I mean, c'mon! I really didn't have to write anything but these sentences and supply you with the phrase "in the bathroom" on the end, and this site would write itself.

For desert, there were all you can eat orange slices. Now, oranges are by far one of my most favorite foods, and they are one of the few that I allow myself to eat in excess. And eat I did. I filled up a whole plate with them. I must have eaten twenty orange slices. And they were really good oranges. Sometimes you get too dry, or too bitter, or too sweet a flavor in your orange, but these were great. And then we noticed that a lady sitting across from us had triplets. Actually, her daughter did. It turns out that her daughter and son also have a set of twins. There's just one catch. They're both in the Marines, and are going to be shipped out. Thats the good old Democratic US government for you, looking out for those families with five kids under the age of two. Of course, they wouldn't be able to postpone their duty. Oh no. So unless they manage to fight the government and win (I doubt they are rich enough to do that), then they are going to have to leave five kids with relatives until they get sent back to the US.

So I spent the whole way down on Saturday reading a book about theoretical physics, and the way back up listening to my CD player. I listened to Nirvana, The Offspring, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and a mix of all the songs I've pirated off of the Internet. Fun. I got to play "hit my sister because she won't stop annoying me," and also "get the hell off of me, you stupid dog", and "ooh, I wish I had a corvette convertable!" Some one shoot me.

I have an idea to fill the void Lint from Heccubus' Domain will leave at the site when he embarks on the journey everyone will one day make: starting their own kooky humor site. I'm not telling what my idea is, and I dunno how often I'll be able to do it, what with having to make content for two sites, but I think it'll be enjoyable. That's assuming, of course, that I win the contest. Theres always a chance someone with a much more refined sense of humor will stumble across the Domain, submit, and make traffic skyrocket, but they may have to settle for me. Or not. I don't know.

posted by Slade at 9:17 AM