Speaking of poems, I've just written three. However, I don't really like one of them, so I'm only putting the two up. The link to my brand new Poems page will be under the Misc section of the site.
posted by Slade at 10:16 PM

I just managed to get to the library long enough to update my Links page. Rejoice at the Hamster Republic. Seriously. The owner writes really funny poems.
posted by Slade at 11:17 AM

Oh, I'll probably not be able to get the new links page up until after the weekend, unless I get around to making another one at home. Just know that you should check out the Hamster Republic for a good time, and a historical lesson about Vlad the Impaler too.
posted by Slade at 10:08 PM

Well, the links page didn't send for some reason, and I didn't realize it until five seconds before the end of the period, which I spent trying to convince the library Nazi that using FTP is not the same as actually visiting a site. I hate the computer illiterate that think they know what they're doing. The links page is on my little bit of space on the schools server, but at least I put the link down on the main page. In school, I've being appreciated for my art work. I'm making an abstract sculpture, and the art teacher has decided that I'm good material for pottery/sculpture next year. I'm signing up as soon as I can. I would have earlier, but I didn't realize that budget cuts meant no drivers ed. I was leaving room open in my schedule for next year so I could get squeezed in to drivers ed some time, but now I don't have to worry about it. Thank you politicians!

OK! On to my update! If any of you know ChefElf, you also know he's only at his computer on rare occasions. For a computer nerd, he seems to have a suspicious amount of non-computer life. But I'm not here to lay blame... today. See, I was just getting ready to talk to him, and, not surprisingly, I got an away message. The message gave me the idea for a song I came up with on the spur of the moment. Here is a transcript of our "conversation":

Huzzahz: Greetings!
Auto response from Chefelf: Nate: the elf, the chef, the wetblanket . . . THE LEGEND.
(Here, I saw "THE LEGEND", and then noticed his keen Zelda 1 triforce buddy icon, and I suddenly had new lyrics to the Zelda theme. Beat this, System of a Down!
Anywho...

Huzzahz: The legend of Nate: Bum. Ba dum dum da de dum... Bum. Bum da de da de doooooo.........
(In case you can't tell, that's me singing the intro riff to the song.)
Huzzahz: Huzzahz: Nate! He come's from Rhode IslandI!
Huzzahz: Come to make, the children laugh!
Huzzahz: With his crazy antics, his disgusting beverages
Huzzahz: His experiences with an N E S....

Huzzahz: Now Nate, has made them laugh!
Huzzahz: Has made new friends, some which are creeepy.
Huzzahz: But now they all know, where ever he goes.
Huzzahz: Espcially the ones hiding in the bushes...

Huzzahz: So Nate, pick up your gun.
Huzzahz: The one without, a safty switch.
Huzzahz: And show those stalkers who's boss, but just watch out for Ross,
Huzzahz: he thinks that you're his long lost father and Jesus, and Gerry Garcia too!

So there you have it. This is all I have to show for today, although I did do other work. I finished my thing I'm submiting to Heccubus for his contest as I type this, and wrote a fast punk song called The Hate Song. It's about a guy who suddenly realizes he's been going out with the scum of the earth, but near the end of the song, you realize that he's as crazy as his girlfriend. Way dysfunctional. I think it's pretty funny. It's vulgar and mean (but not to anyone specific), but it's supposed to be. I might put it up here when I'm done with it. I would have also performed my Zelda song, turned it into an mp3 and uploaded it too, but I can't play guitar yet. Such is life.
posted by Slade at 9:56 PM

Guess what? I finally got to check my e-mail and have it work, and it turns out I actually have seven people who read my site! Yes, I got my first e-mail from someone who reads it, without me e-mailing them first. His/her name is "E C." So, to that person, I say "Hi!". Hopefully I can get another update done tonight, maybe continue my short story or start to do another Contra Comic (I'm a month overdue, I think). I promise I won't spend tonight up in my room listening to Nimrod (Greenday. A friend burned it for me. Good CD. Woo!) and drawing tonight.
posted by Slade at 12:37 PM

Ok, I just updated my links! Feel free to check out the Fantastically Adequate Hamster Republic home page! Details on the links page.
posted by Slade at 9:20 AM

Now, "Why I couldn't post yesterday". First, the clip board wouldn't work on the schools computer. I had saved my update it .DOC form to throw the Nazi librarian off of my evil web site updating trail. Then, when I tried to e-mail it to myself, to post at home, the computer crashed, and then wouldn't let me log back in. It said I was logged in at too many work stations at once. Which means the server, in its infinite wisdom, forgot to log me off when I tried to, right before the computer crashed. Then, the other librarian had shut of f the computers by the time I strolled in at the end of the day, thinking I could log on, e-mail, and then go home, so, here it is. (Down there.)
posted by Slade at 11:17 AM

So I was thinking and skateboarding down my road, and I thought: what if life could be summed up using rudimentary programming-language-like algorithms? Yes, I think I may have stumbled upon the inner workings of the universe. While this means I may die within the next few days, as my life's goals are accomplished, I will die knowing I will get to reincarnate as an alien with the super power of attracting albino yaks to my secret lair, from which I will take turns robbing banks and giving the money to old women I meet on the street. You see, for some reason, the bugs have been out in full force lately. I don't know why, as everyone knows, it takes a very hot and humid day, and lots of sweaty people-perspiration day to bring them out. It was a nice, cool, slightly breezy day, but there they were, buzzing in a think black cloud above my head. Now, why would they always decide they wanted to hang out around my face? I didn't have any sort of scent on, I wasn't sweating, or yelling "Hey bugs, fly into my eyes and nose!" And they were gnats too. The bugs that exist solely to annoy people by attempting to enter their bodies through every orifice.

And then it hit me, much like the car that was going up the road would have if I hadn't noticed it and leapt into the ditch at the last second. The reason the bugs are always there is that these little lines of code have been added to the laws of the universe. By God? By some demonic (literally) hackers cyber-terrorists? A secret group of individuals that call themselves the Illuminati and wait for the planets align so they can break the laws of the universe as they please? Hell, I don't know, and I don't really care. The fact remains that this bit of coding was inserted:

REM Annoying Gnats.
6541 IF "Insect 9982" < 10 AND location = "around head" THEN create 2 "Insect 9982" at "around head"
6542 IF "Insect 9982" is NOT = "around head" THEN move all "Insect 9982" at "everywhere" to "around head"
6543 IF "Insect 9982" is > OR = 10 at "around head" THEN STOP
GOSUB 6541

You see? The very laws of the universe now state that whenever there are less than ten bugs flying around my head, two more are created from nowhere. Also, every bug from every corner of the planet exists solely to be moved around my, and everyone else's head. It's so simple! I wish I'd thought of it before. How does it work? Just how can every insect be everywhere at once? Well, there must be some sort of code that alters the quantum constant of just gnats, so they can be everywhere. Or, since the laws if the universe have been tampered with, it's just simply possible that the laws of gnats now say they can be omnipresent. Either way the result is the same. I have kamikaze gnats that will stop at nothing to fly up my nose and into my eyes. It makes me wonder what other sorts of laws have been tampered with, solely to piss me off. Perhaps someday soon I will discover I cannot run faster than two miles per hour, but only when other people are watching. Maybe I'll be playing some video games, and then my thumbs will break, except they will never heal. When I attempt to commit suicide, I will become paralyzed from the waist down after I jump off of a sixteen hundred foot cliff, and then when I attempt to electrocute myself, it will instead erase my memory.

Also: I'm hopefully done with my break, but I'm still taking it easy with the wrists, as after numerous falls off my skateboard, I have an enormous bruise just below my palm. At least, I think it's a bruise. That means no prolonged typing/playing computer games, or skateboarding, either. It's a cruel world, but it would be crueler if I let myself progress into Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

And yet another thing: the new library sub lady is a complete computer Nazi. She flips out at the first sign of a text box in Netscape, yelling about "instant messaging" and flailing her arms wildly if the noise level in the library ever exceeds more than three decibels. So instead of typing my updates in school on Blogger, I do it in Word. Ha! I've beaten her at her own game. Or something.

posted by Slade at 11:12 AM