Ok! I'm back, after almost a day straight of fighting my friend Marty in my new copy of Soul Calibur 2 for GameCube. On thursday, I wrote the script for my version of David & Goliath I have to flim tomorrow for AP English class. Of course, I added my own style, giving it the no holds barred Slade touch. I'm posting it here, so you can all get a good look at it, and if we ever can figure out how to get it to a computer, I'll try to upload the movie version. My only gripe is that we can't use video editing equipment. Sure, low budget gives it the whole "B Movie" quality, but editing it would be a nice touch.

Anywho, some explination:

The first scene is going to be a shot of one of my partners' army men. He is obsessed with making nearly microscopic figurines, so they are lined up on either side, with a normal all green army man in front for goliath. There are, of course, tanks, military tents, and v2 rockets (or their modern equivilents.) When David goes out to meet Goliath, we are going to play the theme from Rocky, and we're going to have some Die Hard music in there somewhere too. Names have been edited out, except for mine.

And what is a potatozooka, you might ask? Well, you take some PVC pipe, attach a 3 inch pipe to a very long 1 inch, screw some screws in the 3 inch pipe, close together, attach a grill starter to the screws so that a spark jumps from one screw to the other on the inside, jam a potato in, pack it down with a dowel, fill the back up with aerasol, close it off, and spark the thing. You can fire a potato 200 yards. Sure, I could have just said "It launches potatos at high velocities," but what would have been the fun of that? Kids, try it at home, just don't shoot it at people, cars, or houses. By building one yourself, you assume all liability for your actions. Now then, enjoi.
posted by Slade at 11:48 PM

And yet again, I am left with a mere six minutes to write something after waiting for five hours to use the computer. No point in even trying, there. But hey, there are only 14 hours and 40minutes until I'm officially 17. Yay!
posted by Slade at 9:55 PM

Yes, what a fool indeed. Alas, I regret to inform you, faithful reader, if you indeed exist, that I can not post a new article-type dealy-thing tonight. As I'm only getting a good hour of computer time, I will not have enough time to finish the article I planned to write. But don't fret! I have something rather bizarre I wrote while I was bored in studyhall today. I couldn't hang out in the art room because the bastard teacher wasn't there today. He comes every day and lets a bunch of people loiter in his art room, but can he today? Noooooo. Selfish jerk. Anywho, this is... some sort of surrealistic story. It involves words that do not exist, but do not not exist, fluctuating between the veil of the plane of existance we dwell in, and some other. It also makes absolutely no sense, as, well, it's surreal. Just imagine it as a cartoon by Dali or something. Trust me, it helps.

Well, well, I thought to myself. Now that I had eaten the fruit of the yellow orange tree, I would be nigh indefeatable! And then suddenly, unbidden, the bloated frame of El Capitan's visage coalesced in my tortured mind, triggered by some half-formed thought that hadn�t the audacity to spend more than a moment at the front of my gorilla. Startled, I fell screaming from an open pile of dirt. What was happening to the toad? Nothing seemed to function the way it shouldn't. Everything was standing on an insane donkey with an explosive pension plan. Leftwards I plummeted toward the fecal matter below. I briefly muttered "�Tis some visitor entreating entrance to my pallid bust of Charles Heston Busterfield III"
I flopped, flamingo-like, into the decimating floor below. My knees became forcibly stuck in an obtuse rack of molten gelatin, and, groping chitterishly, I diabolically reached out to switch off my George Forman snow globe and slipped my toes between my favorite pair of four-irons. Donning a leather suitcase and taking a box of sand for the wave, I quickly leapt into the elevator� of Doom! Sideways and implode-ways the arduous apoplectic contraption went. When would the madness taper off asymptotically? Then instantly, it belched. Zfft, like a bolt of cherry ice cream; I groaned.
I screeched heavily to a complete yield and attacked the mutant pair of boxer shorts with the deer antler that grew out of my hip even as the avian launched itself at me, spleens gnashing and slogging. No one could force me to blink now. I barked a laugh without grottled teeth when the whosy-whatsist on my forelock chirruped instinctively. Time to boogie.
I glared weasely into the depths of a shot glass and my escape-like vehicle reincarnated as an enormous mottle-green plantain. What was this? Plantains lacked the ergonomically aerodynamic skeleton capable of transporting one such as myself to any point in space-time, let alone my secret lair! Time to call the magic flying camel company� again. I grudgingly got out fifteen squid. It was one of those twilights�

Yep, I'm crazy, but don't know whether to laugh or cry for my lost sanity. If only there were some undead to finish off with my ram dao to regain it. Alas... I'll try to finish my article by tomorrow.

Time until my 17th birthday: 1d 14h 30m.
posted by Slade at 9:11 PM

Well, it's been... fifteen days since I've last written anything. Holy shit. Time flys when you're busy homeworking, gaming, or hanging with friends. Sorry folks. Here's a list of what I've been doing, and I promise (what a fool I am!) a real update tomorrow. I'm just very busy catching up on my online stuff after a week off.

- Killed a man to watch him die.
- Realized I killed the wrong man.
- Wrote letter to future self asking for time machine.
- Killed future self.
- Pondered the meaning of existance.
- Stopped past self from killing wrong man by killing me.
- Realized implications, stopped past self from ever using time machine.
- Gave up on trying to repair the fabric of the universe and went to play my GameCube instead.
- Ate food.
- Dreamt that I was running from a giant potato, escaped to Scotland by cruise ship.
- Went to cemetary on All Hallow's Eve.
- Felt cold spots, had one part of my left elbow's hair stand on end.
- Got my feet soaked.
- Had discussion with my friend Marty and my dad about the paranormal and Einsteinian physics, and Stephen Hawking.
- Did the happy dance because it's drawing ever nearer to my Birthday.
- Wrote humorous journal entries for AP English.
- Saw new Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.
- Was disgusted by now clich� Benny Hill gag.
- Went online.
- Wrote this.
posted by Slade at 9:24 PM