Well, I'm in the process of writing my next article, which I feel is coming along rather well. However, due to its length, content, and lack of ninjas, I won't be ready with it until tomorrow. So, speaking of ninjas, here is some stuff Ninja (the hick who talks funny and jumps really high) said to me, and how I reacted. */me bows at the beautiful segue he has created.* Writing is a fucking ART! And I'm Dali. <- Symbolism! <- Pointless bragging! <- Self deprecating humor! <- Asyndon used for humor!

On Thursday, the east coast was hit by a cross between a large storm system and lake effect snow from Lakes Erie and Ontario. This caused terrible road conditions, which in turn made our bus slide off of the road. While stuck, Ninja, his hands dirty from his conservation class (he won't wash them for some reason (I know, I try not to dwell on it.)), remarked to me, despite my biting tone, snippy answers to his questions, and best attempts to be rude and ignore him, "If we have to go back to school, I'm gonna call my dad and have him pick my ass up." To which I answered, "You'd better make sure he picks up the rest of you too." Came the reply: "It's a figure of speech, stupid."

As if I didn't know that. I'll admit that I've learned much in my lifetime, yet still know less than a newborn baby, but I think I can understand figures of speech. Like this one: "Shut up, numbskull." Note the parts of speech: "Shut up," which commonly is used as an irritated command for one to cease vocalization. "Numbskull," a kenning, implying that one is stupid.

Later, when the bus got stuck again -I kid you not, Constant Reader!- I noticed a scratch on the left side of his cheek (By this point my nose had become accustomed to his odor.) I asked him what had happened, and he proceeded to tell me a story about him lacking the possession of a hard hat. He paused at an opportune moment, when the path of his verbiage was clearly lit before me, -he was ready to be tossed a hat by a colleague- and I replied "So you tried to catch the hat with your face." The wit was lost on one such as he, and answered "No, I tried to catch it with my hands, and I missed and it hit me in the head."

I must engage in intelligent conversation soon, dear Reader, before I go completely mad.

Of course, you'll note my complete change in syntax and diction as I progress through that narrative. Let's just say I've been spending too much time in AP English class. And I've started reading Gulliver's Travels on my own. Viscious satire of humanity and the farcical idea of "rationality" and "government." Huzzah!

Yep, I really need to do something. I'm shaking my head as I type this sentence. Thinking I still have readers... Phaw! Oh, and my NF.com e-mail is down, so send stuff to Sladeo@hotmail.com. Thank you, and good night.
posted by Slade at 10:20 PM