Well, I've just created two low res comics so I can enter into Dr. Perennial's low res comic web-ring thingamabob. You can get there from here. You may gasp and marvel at my artistic and comic genius now...

Ok, now that that's over with, I'd like to end this update with a little teaser. Tomorrow will begin an unprecedented article never before written or attempted or even fathomed of. Two people know of what I speak, my webmaster (for I told him of it.), and the person who invoked this special article. YES, YOU!!!! You (that is, everyone but YOU, will enjoy it, trust me.
posted by Slade at 12:35 AM

So there I was, talking to my good friend Heir Webmaster, when he mentioned this article. I was obviously entertained, outraged, and deeply insulted. My reaction was remarkably similar to that of when I watch the President of the United States attempt to give a speech on television after interrupting a Seinfeld re-run.

In case you don't feel like reading the whole article, here's the basis of it. So called "jelly bracelets", apparently made popular by pop-stars in the eighties, are making a comeback. That's no biggie, or news, but this is: During a game called "Snap" ,when one breaks, the breaker has to perform sexual acts on the owner. Orange bracelets mean kisses, red lap dances, blue oral sex, and black: INTERCOURSE. (bum bum bum!)

Sex bracelets? Widespread and occuring in schools? Give me a break! When teens want sex, they go get drunk at a party and then hump everything that moves during the revel. There are already sex dice, where one has to do the action on one to the body part on the other (sold at Spencers), so why would we need a blatant display of this? Shame on you for spreading opinionated gossip, MSN.com. Stooping to constant displays of pop-up ads wasn't enough? Buying out Hotmail and turning it into a shithole (I was a member while it was privately owned!) not good enough for you? Now you have to slander poor defenseless bracelets? What if people want to wear bracelets just to wear them? Now everyone will assume they are part of a widespread orgy cult. It's like the prostitutes ruining fishnet stockings. WHY?

Uh, at any rate, in lieu of this article, I've taken the liberty to develop my own version of the game for different ethnic backgrounds.

Redneck Bracelets
Orange - Kiss your sister.
Red - Drink some hooch from the same bottle as your cousin.
Blue - Masturbate with your dog.
Black - Sleep with your mother. (It's ok, she's done it to your brother!)

French Bracelets [I feel guilty stooping to making fun of the french, but it's just too easy. - Slade]
Orange - Kiss an Englishman.
Red - Wear a monocolor shirt.
Blue - Proclaim a love of Americans.
Black - Bathe.

Charles Manson Bracelets
Orange - Butcher a pig.
Red - Hypnotize your best friend to stab people relentlessly in the jugular with toothpicks.
Blue - Hop on one foot while slashing up random passersby.
Black - Go a WHOLE DAY without thinking about murdering people.

Nerd Bracelets
Orange - Quote a movie that isn't a Monty Python film, or UHF.
Red - Do three push-ups.
Blue - Put the video cable to your favorite gamesystem in the white slot.
Black - Play tackle football.

Amish Bracelets
Orange - Milk your neighbor's cow.
Red - Unbutton the top button of your coat.
Blue - Say the word "pants."
Black - Show someone your socks... while you're wearing them!
posted by Slade at 12:06 PM