So, like... Blog

So there I am, getting on my bus, about to begin my daily ritual of cleansing my psyche of all the trash (metaphoric and literal), dickheads (metaphoric and literal), and in general the usual shit that has occurred during the day. Normally I sit in the back of the bus in the relative peace and quiet, drown any sorrows I may have in what ever book I'm reading (currently Johnny Got His Gun, Brave New World, and 1984), and listen to my CD player (which is playing The Queen of the Damned Soundtrack at the moment). I have a good half an hour to enjoy myself before coming home and being forced to co-exist with my sister. Now, if you know my sister (which you may by the end of the week), she is one of those irritating constant PMS (you'd think she'd have at least died from blood loss by now, but luck is not with me) cases with a mouth more foul than my web-master would be if he was a sailor. That is, she seems to posses a large quantity of four letter words, and not much else. And she talks on the phone constantly and about stupid frivolous topics. But before I start wasting material for another update, let me finally get to the damned point.

My sanctity has been fouled by a presence so demonic that even I am frightened. And disgusted. And angered to a point of burning rage by. And I don't even believe that there is a hell. What could it be? How long is he going to draw this stupid rant out? When will my damned song finish downloading? All are valid questions you may be asking, and in order, the answers are: 1) To be announced in the next sentence, 2) As long as I want to, assface, and 3) Never, you copyright infringing bastard. Sorry, but I'm on the verge of losing all of my composure and ending up just spending the next five minutes repeatedly typing out every profane word I know and then inventing new ones.

My sister and her little shit immature 9th grade air-headed friends have decided to sit in the back of the bus. RIGHT WHERE I HAVE SAT EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS. Why have they chosen to desecrate the one place where I can have peace? Well, they say it's because the bus driver can't hear them being annoying dipshit assholes in the back of the bus. I say that I've probably seriously pissed off the fates through my worship of Eris, or possibly this is very cruel karmic retribution for all of those Slim Jims I used to steal from the school cafeteria. Or maybe it's because I sent God an unpleasant letter. But in any event, why couldn't The Powers That Be have done something milder, like cut off my arms and blinded me? Or maybe just removed my genitalia or forced me to parade naked down the school hallways in between classes? Or how about that 80 I got on my Calculus quiz? I should have bombed that one, why didn't you just take away from that? Why must I be constantly tormented by absurdly loud children who's daily conversation is this:

My sister: "Like oh my god! Why didn't you just ask him out?"
Friend one: "Because he's like, going out with some trashy slutty bitch."
Friend two: "Wait, who are we talking about? *giggle*"
Friend one: "That really hot guy, remember? *laugh*"
Friend two: "Oh yeah! I like totally forgot, man!"
My sister: "You're both stoners. Anyways..."
Friend one: "Oh my god, did you see that girl? She's so preppy, isn't she?"
Friend two: "Yeah, I can't believe I used to be friends with that retard."

So if any of you malicious deities that enjoy inflicting pain upon me get this message, I surrender. Just crucify me and get it over with. Please, remove all of my internal organs and make me eat my own spleen. Make my skin turn black and fall off, remove all motor function from my brain and tell me I can get it back if I can climb up a set of stairs without falling down. But in the name of all that is Creative and Chaotic, get rid of the little kids in the back of the bus.

posted by Slade at 3:13 PM