[update]
Well, I'm going to try and write something today [This was sometime last week]. Nothing very long or coherent (although that's not really a new thing), but here are some thoughts:

First of all, what is the purpose of those tampon commercials? Everybody already knows about them; they are a generic product. It would be like advertising paper plates, or notebook paper, or internal combustion engines. You just don't waste money on it, because people won't care if your plates are sixty five ply, or your notebook paper has "college rule," or "exclusionary rule." And why do they always use some mysterious blue liquid? How do I know they aren't cheating and using some fluid like rubbing alcohol that will go through just about everything? Lets get some real menstrual fluid and pour it on the tampon, so we can see how it absorbs that. On another advertising note, I saw a commercial for a 4 bladed razor yesterday. If anybody recalls, I wrote about razors last year, and mentioned a 9 bladed razor out of sheer absurdity. And yet I am not the least bit surprised at this new development...

Secondly, I really hate public speaking. I don't know why, since I don't really care about it. I mean, here I am, a guy with long hair and a Metroid T-Shirt on, I obviously don't care what in the Hells I look like. And yet when I am forced to speak in front of people, my train of thought hits every penny on he tracks. I forget half of what I want to say even if I have notes, and do not make eye contact because I'm desperately clinging to my notes in hopes that some nearly illegible line will save me from seeming totally mentally handicapped. I don't get it. I don't mind but my body does... Like last summer in DC, we got to debate mock bills, and the Republican side was trying to push a Homeland Security bill through. This thing was frightening. It called for a neighborhood watch which was essentially having everyone in your neighborhood watching everyone else every day for signs of "suspicious behavior." Essentially free and widespread spying on one another. If George Orwell read it he'd roll over in his tomb and gnash his teeth. And then he'd realize that he was undead, rise from the grave, and go work at Starbucks.

I had a really cool short speech too, when I was condemning the abysmal thing. I quoted Ben Franklin: "Better the guilty man go free than the innocent be subject to easy arrest." I pointed out the seemingly obvious yet understated lunacies of the bill. One guy from the Republican side said when the issue of civil liberties was brought up "What's the point of rights if you're dead." And I quoted him, and then replied "What's the point of living if you have no rights." Yeah, I make it sound like I kicked some ass, but in actuality, I had a lot of pauses where I forgot what I was saying mid-sentence, and I don't think I made much eye contact at all... I'm really glad I was on the Democratic side, because if I had been Republican, I would have gone hard-core caricature right-wing and denounced all social programs in favor of using that money on the defense department. Speaking of that DC trip, maybe some day I will find my notebook and chronicle it for my very small reader base. Those were good days.

[/update]
Tomorrow, if I'm lucky, I'll be writing a full length article about a current issue in the world today. Fun for the whole family (except those under 17.) Also, SCHOOL'S OUT FOR THE SUMMER! (And forever, since I'm graduating next Saturday.) I'm on to college, then my job, then retirement, then death. With a bunch of shit in between it of course.
posted by Slade at 4:32 PM